A bear in the wood, or a halfway pouch for the sore of feet

Trying to deal with the list of things for Moomin, I feel like a bear lost in a department store; or a bear in the wood, if you will. No, that doesn’t really work. Anyway, I don’t know what half this stuff is. Whoever knew there was such a thing as a muslin square? As for the cot business – some cots only have 3 sides. Even I find that peculiar. Surely the sprogly might fall out? But no, those cots are supposed to sort of stick onto the parent’s(s’) bed. I guess that way the baby can be kind of encouraged back into the cot once it’s been in the bed. But won’t it just roll out into the bed again? And how do the parents get up to anything? Or don’t they? 

The cot is a big nightmare because of course you want your wee person to be cosy and happy and comfy. But so many of them are garish and furbelowed and terrifying, as if designed by Cinderella’s ugly sisters’ for their poor babies, for example. I wish I could get a Cat From Outer Space cot. That would be ideal, and extremely appropriate for a creature who has just arrived out of infinity. The cot we’re getting is alright but its name is ‘Infantastic’ – it sounds more like infanticide than fantastic but oh well. It has a stupid baldaquin (canopy thing) but we can take that off. At least it’s green, not a gender prison bed. That’s good.

Asked about reusable nappies, my sister says :

“If you want to fanny about with a shitey bucket in your tiny pad then go for it. Otherwise reserve the tears for more important moments like when it shits all up its back when you are just about to go out. Also, disposables are good for balling up and throwing at men”

Nice and succinct. And when I asked : 

“What about shoe-things?! and things for Moomin to wear when we go out in November? Are you making a wee hat?! Does Moo need a coat or will Moo just be in a bag or something?”

she answered :

“Moo won’t be in need of shoes until s/he starts walking. Babygros cover feet, as do tights and socks. In cold weather if Moo is not in the pram all cosy then s/he will be strapped to you wearing a big padded boiler suit with feet”

The boiler suit sounds great. With feet. Though it would be simpler if i were a kangaroo. That would give Moomin and I some time to adjust being outside each other, in a halfway house, or pouch. If Moomin were a baby kangaroo, at about 33 days of being, hshe would be climb from my abdomen into the pouch in about 5 minutes.  There would be four teats there ready for use. Moo would stay there for another 180 days or so, until feeling big and bold enough to stick his/her head out for a few weeks. So then I’d be hopping around with Moo looking about and perhaps making commentary in squeaky joey language. Finally Moomin would feel big enough to spend time out of the pouch, though hshe could jump back in if worried. And then one day Moo would leave the pouch for the last time, and I’d have empty pouch syndrome. Although maybe I could expand to other creatures in need of succour : injured pigeons, for example. Those poor pigeons who get their feet all mangled in traffic could come rest in my pouch. Probably a whole family would fit. We’d have to be careful in parks, though. What if every pigeon tried to get in, there might be a stampede. There would have to be a waiting list. And probably a social worker. Who would come and inspect the pouch while hundreds of pigeons looked on imploringly. And then there would be mounds of paperwork. At least I’d have somewhere to put it. 



By freakyparisandbeyond

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